MARCH ON

Have you ever felt like you couldn’t keep going? … That enduring through this day could be one of the hardest things you would ever have to do? Have you ever lost hope? We often find ourselves in moments of desperation, depression, anxiety and sorrow. But I want to tell you that you are not alone in these thoughts. Throughout my life I have seen some of God’s greatest warriors feel as though they will crumble carrying feelings such as these. This I do know- God gives great battles to his strong soldiers because He knows their potential. As Elder Holland assures us, “In striving for some peace and understanding in these difficult matters, it is crucial to remember that we are living—and chose to live—in a fallen world where for divine purposes our pursuit of godliness will be tested and tried again and again.” (Oct. 2013 General Conference, Like A Broken Vessel.)

I have been in those moments of desperation. They are real and they paralyze us sometimes to our very core. We must not diminish feelings such as these but recognize that they soon will pass… that is a promise! We will have obstacles, we will have trials and disappointments, but just as sure as the sun will rise in the eastern sky: there is hope that will cast out your darkest nights.

I have felt the suffocating power that takes place through insecurities, anxieties and depression. I have carried the weight upon my back that I never thought would be removed. I have ached body and soul to understand my potential, my weaknesses and my sufferings… and this I do know: all these things shall be for our good and shall give us experience. Joseph Smith, a prophet of God who restored the Church of Jesus Christ back to the earth again today, felt feelings such as these. During 1839 the saints were going through horrible persecution: men, woman and children were being torn from there houses and beaten on the streets, watching their houses burn behind them as they were driven from place to place. You can only imagine what the helpless dear Joseph must have felt as he suffered there in Liberty Jail. He exclaimed: O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place? How long shall thy hand be stayed, and thine eye, yea thy pure eye, behold from the eternal heavens the wrongs of thy people and of thy servants, and thine ear be penetrated with their cries? Yea, O Lord, how long shall they suffer these wrongs and unlawful oppressions, before thine heart shall be softened toward them, and thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them? (Doctrine & Covenants 121:1-3)

Don’t you feel that you have been here too? Crying out this same prayer…

Just as clear and as peaceful as the answer came to Joseph Smith that cold March day, the same will come to you and me: My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands. (Doctrine & Covenants 121:7-9).

“…These moments will be but small, my child” I often hear Him whisper to me. He will bring the same peace and knowledge to ease your mind as well.

Through out my life I watched my mother suffer from many mental and physical illnesses that inflict her body. As a child I never understood her sufferings and why she felt the way she did. Sadly I held onto these ignorant feelings for quite sometime and never opened by mind to understand her. I was young and confused. It wasn’t until I reached High School and even further into college when I began to feel my own anxieties and depression that I began to understand my dear mother. I was able to have my eyes opened to an angel of God who had to suffer each day of her life to make it through. Each day was a battle on the warfront just to get out of bed… and yet, she endured and kept going each and every day, even when she felt like all hope was lost. She relied upon the arms of her Savior to carry her through… why? Because, THAT IS WHAT HE DOES FOR US. He carries us, He heals us, and He gives hope and life to the feeble and depressed. When we are stricken, afflicted, tormented and oppressed, He knows how to succor and come to our aid. He knows ever so perfectly how to comfort our weary hearts and bring us hope through His Atonement. Why need we fear? Why think we can fight this battle on our own? I testify, that He is there. If we feel that we must face these battles and struggles on our own we are all but wrong! We must not mock our God, for He gave us our Savior to provide the way of comfort and healing. We must turn to Him in these times of depression and hardship, because He will never fail us.

I have seen some of my very best friends carry their burdens of eating disorders, Pornography addictions, Same-sex attraction, Alcoholism, etc.  And never in my life have I seen some of our Father’s strongest soldiers, then when I look at them. They keep going even when it hurts; even when they're confused. It’s through these moments that I see true Disciples of Christ, who suffer and carry their cross, just as HE DID. We often find ourselves in a hole we thought we would never get into again… a pit of addiction and temptation, we feel like we have fallen once again and it’s been too many times. BUT NEVER GIVE UP HOPE. Because no matter how many times we fall, there is never a point when you have gone too far from the love of God to reach you. He loves you more than you will ever know. It is in these times when we find ourselves in these pits that He comes along and offers us a ladder. But not only does He offer a ladder to get us out of this pit, He comes down into the pit to stand by our side and help us out. He does not desert us even in our moments of weakness.

Elder Holland once again assures our weary hearts, “…when you struggle, when you are rejected, when you are spit upon and cast out and made a hiss and a byword, you are standing with the best life this world has ever known. The only pure and perfect life ever lived.” (Ensign, March 2001. Missionary Work and The Atonement).

Yes! This is YOU. We can prevail by brother and sister. There is hope among the battlefield…

I woke up this morning sick body and soul and saw a day ahead of me that I wasn’t sure I could take on. I wanted to wrap my blanket around my head, take some Nyquil and say goodbye to the world for the day. I had a thought come to me as tears came down my face: “You are weak, you cannot do this…” But, ever so instantly in that very second did I have a complete peace come over me head to heel and whisper: “I am with you, I will carry you through.” And I feel this. I feel this at this very moment as I write… My Savior and Redeemer is carrying me through. He not only is carrying me spiritually, but He is also carrying this sleep-deprived and sick body of mine. I feel a strength that I cannot even express properly into words… because it is from Heaven above.

There is HOPE. There is LIGHT. There is JOY to be found and felt each day… it will come as we rely upon the arms of our Shepherd. We must not give up… WE MUST NOT EVER GIVE UP. Keep going, solider. You are not alone, my friend. I am fighting on this battlefield with you, and He is here.

I listen to this song over and over again this morning, and as the lyrics state by Katherine Nelson (Soldier Girls):

Driven thru the wild rain

As we cross the river 


Storm ahead and clouds on our backs

Only grow stronger 


Still we march on through like thunder 


`Til the battle bids us come 



We go in the face of fear 


Drawn swords and our souls unfurled

 We carry the hope of years 


We’re soldier girls 



Covered the fields and the floods

 Just to wade in the trenches 


We danced when our feet carried on 


And sang when they couldn’t

With our hemlines drenched in mud 


We reached for God from where we stood …

Oh you wounded fallen ones

Close your eyes 


Hear the battle drum 


The cadence calling us

March on 


March on 


Oh you wounded broken ones

Still glinting in the sun 


Live trying `til we’ve won 


March on 


March on

WHAT IS BEAUTY?

This blog will be a state of vulnerability, a place I have never been before or admitted to others. So, bear with me… and I pray this will also be a place of refuge for you.

I am very excited to write these various blog posts that I will be posting throughout this week. I have needed to express these thoughts for some time now. What is true beauty? I have pondered upon this thought time and time again… I feel that over years of seeking, I am now barely coming to scratch the surface of understanding what it means to be truly beautiful. I am finally coming to see what really matters…

We have always heard the statement: “Everyday is the first day of the rest of your life…” or “Today is the start of something new!” etc. Yeah, I know that. It’s one of those cute cliché Pinterest quotes that you see, pin it to your “Life Sayings” board on move on to the next. But what would happen if we actually began to apply it? Today, March 24th 2014, I decided to begin. Today was the beginning of my healing process.

Operation 1: Love myself.

I have suffered my entire life with self-image issues. It wasn’t until the last year of my life when I began to see that this plague was infecting my life, and I needed to rid myself of it. Ever since I can remember, I wished I were skinnier… at the age of 12 years old I would post sticky notes around the house telling myself to eat less or to stop eating completely. I would come home from school every day and there underneath my mattress I hid a tape measure and a notebook, keeping record everyday of the inches I was losing… I had a problem. I don’t remember how long that lasted for, but even though I stopped with the measurements, that didn’t stop the constant battle my brain was raging inside of me. I was constantly comparing myself to others and belittling myself for who I wasn’t. I was comparing my weaknesses to others strengths… and feeling like I was nothing. As Sister Holland says it, “I seemed to have a real knack for fighting life’s battles on two or three or four fronts at once—and I took a lot of needless shrapnel as a result.” (Sept. 1988, Be Renewed In The Spirit of Your Mind, byu.speeches.edu) I would allow the world to impact my views of myself telling me to look a certain way and to be a certain way. I was confused and I couldn’t fully love others because I couldn’t love myself. I look back now and I see that many of my actions throughout my life were determined because of these negative thoughts that Satan was throwing at me. It wasn’t until I relied upon my Father in Heaven, that I began to see what true beauty really is and what He sees in me. As Sister Dalton teaches us, ‘Deep beauty is the kind of beauty that shines from the inside out. It is the kind of beauty that cannot be painted on, surgically created, or purchased. It is the kind of beauty that doesn’t wash off. It is spiritual attractiveness. Deep beauty springs from virtue. It is the beauty of being chaste and morally clean. It is the kind of beauty that you see in the eyes of virtuous women like your mother and grandmother. It is a beauty that is earned through faith, repentance, and honoring covenants.’ (Apr. 2010, Remember Who You Are!) This is what we must see in ourselves.

I need to say this now, because it defines everything about me: My Brother, Jesus Christ, will redeem us from all things. We can and will be set free from all of our weaknesses. Christ not only took upon Himself the pain and the sicknesses of all of us, but He also took upon Himself our infirmities... What does infirmities mean? Weaknesses. "He will take upon him their infirmities [weaknesses], that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities [weaknesses]." (Alma 7:12, The Book of Mormon.) I trust in Him, and have faith that I can be made whole. I ache at the thought of His suffering, but how humble it makes me that He did this for me, that I can be healed and become as He is someday. Because of our Savior and His Atonement, He will set us free as we come unto Him and cleave to Him. I cannot overcome these battles on my own, never could I do that. But my Beloved Savior gives me hope each day. I am changed, and will continue to be changed because of Him. I preface with this because it moves me to my next point, I began to be healed when I was on my mission.

As I look back I see the hand of my Heavenly Father in the details of my life, and I explain it in a way that He simply picked me up on a good path I was on, and placed me somewhere better. He placed me on my mission where I was able to learn what becoming converted is; I was able to learn that true joy comes as we forget ourselves as focus upon His children and bringing them unto Christ. I also learned my self-worth and potential, I was able to find healing when I didn’t know I was in need of it. He always knows what we stand in need of.

My mission was just the start to this journey. I have been home now for over a year, and my trial of self-image issues and lack of confidence only has deepened. But I have come to understand my potential clearer than ever before! I see who I can be and my worth as a daughter of God. I see that our role as daughters, and someday Goddesses, is divine. Our trials today are building us to become this. How grateful I am for the opportunity to grow and change! Just as Nephi exclaims: “I am encompassed about, because of the tempations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh. He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me.” (2 Nephi 4:18-22, The Book of Mormon.) This is what He has done for me, and will do for all of us. He confounds those enemies in our lives: the enemy of comparison. The enemy of lack of confidence. The enemy of the world. The power of His Atonement and His love makes it possible for them to quake before us. I know this to be true.

So my daily walk of healing starts TODAY. Over the next week I have made a choice to not wear makeup. To me, this is a statement that I can love my natural self even with my flaws, and that others can love me and see me for who I really am. It’s being vulnerable. A step to feeling comfortable in my own skin. This will be my week to start my new journey of healing for the rest of my life; it will be the beginning of new and healthy thinking of my life, my body and myself. It will be a daily reliance upon my Savior. I know I can do this, but I cannot do this without Him!

So here I go... CHANGE STARTS NOW.

ALEX

My name is Alex Coats, I love to rock climb and do ANYTHING outdoors. I love to laugh and have adventures. I am a hair stylist, adventure-craving, happy-go-lucky, Nebraska loving girl. I'm a lover not a fighter. And I’m a Mormon.

That about sums me up. In simplicity, that is what makes up who I am. I love to be happy. What makes me happy is the Gospel of Jesus Christ, my family and friends and nature. I find joy in accomplishments and achieving bucket-list dreams. And I firmly believe that with faith in Jesus Christ, all things are possible!

As you have read with Teri and her introduction, we are a family of 5. Teri is my oldest sister and we have a little brother, McCabe:  they are my best friends. I am currently at BYU-Idaho going to school to be a motivational speaker for delinquent teens. I have been home from my mission to Nebraska Omaha for a year now, and Nebraska still holds a very special place in my heart. My mission means the world to me, I still think of it daily and recognize the change that it created in my life. I had the privilege of also serving at the Winter Quarters Mormon Trail Center, teaching and testifying of the Pioneers and their journey to Zion. This place is sacred ground to me.

As I have said, I love the outdoors and teaching! Because of this, I’ve had the opportunity of working at Badger Creek-AFY over the summer(s) as a counselor for youth. This was by far the best job I have ever had. I lived under a handcart or in a tent all summer and was able to mentor the youth through devotionals and sacred learning experiences. Through this my desire is to help the youth and others come to understand their deep worth and potential within themselves.

Through out my life I faced many battles with lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, body image issues, and anything of the sort. I was living in my own personal battlefield; not only fighting against the temptations of the world, but also against my own ammo that I was beating myself with. I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the strength that it has given me to overcome these temptations. It is still a daily working process, a constant reliance upon the Atonement to overcome. This is why I am looking forward to this blog with my sister: through our joined experiences and trials, our prayer is that we can be used as instruments to help bless and encourage others to find hope in their lives. As you read our blogs and experiences, may you see that all things can be done and achieved through Jesus Christ.

TERI

I’ve never been very good with introductions, so I will do my best here. My name is Teri, and as of now, I’m twenty-six years old, and I’m the oldest out of three kids. I grew up mainly in Orem, Utah, but my family moved to Heber right before my sophomore year of high school, so I graduated as a Wasatch Wasp. I claim Orem more than I do Heber, because I lived there longer, and most of my friends that I’ve kept over the years are from Orem. Since then I’ve moved around a bit, mostly staying in Utah County, but dabbling in Salt Lake County and Wasatch County. I’m currently attending school at UVU, majoring in Behavioral Science with a minor in Family Studies. I love the outdoors. I’m definitely not an adrenaline junkie, but I do love adventures. I like trying new things, although I’m typically hesitant at doing so. Hiking is a favorite family pastime, and I look forward to the warm weather each year so that we can plan our yearly, family hiking trips. I also enjoy rock climbing and ice climbing, but I consider them more of a leisurely hobby. I love building things, and working with my hands. I will admit, I tend to jump from hobby to hobby, quickly becoming bored of one, and moving on to another. But I go back to each one after a period of time. Watercolor for one month, Pyrography for another, which then leads to making hemp bracelets, or refinishing furniture. I love baseball, and I’m a diehard Boston Red Sox fan. I enjoy reading when I have the time, but tend to enjoy realistic fiction, bibliographies, and non-fiction crime books. I love psychology, and anything that has to do with it. I like purchasing Native American Paraphernalia, and I collect sand from places I’ve hiked to, or beaches I’ve visited. I love the ocean, but I also love the mountains, and so someday living in a place that has both would be lovely.

          Some short background history about myself; again, I’m the oldest of three children, and the oldest grandchild, on both sides of our families. My father grew up a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and my mother became a convert in her teenage years. I am a Mormon, and a practicing Mormon, at that. I don’t wish to “label” myself, but being a member of the LDS church is a very big part of my life, and it is important to me. I have not always been an active member of the church. In fact, out of my twenty-six years of being alive on this earth, it’s safe for me to say that most of my life I have been inactive. I have a strong testimony of the church, and it will be something I talk about in this blog, as well as my journey in becoming the person I am today.

            Now, I feel like I should explain why I’m starting my portion of this blog. I will be the first to admit I was never, ever, planning on writing a blog. I’m not one to openly talk about myself, my situations, or even my thoughts and beliefs to those I am not close to (And when I say close, I can count on one hand the few people I open up to). And to be honest, I really am not sure what I’m going to write about going forward. My sister and I both had a simple thought; a prompting, that we should start a blog, and the idea has both manifested itself and blossomed from there. So in this blog, I feel that we may both share our ideas, hopes, and dreams, but also share our stories, past, present, and ones we may have in the future. These stories may be intertwined, as we have shared our journeys as sisters; as friends, but they will also be separate, as we have traveled on paths of our own. By sharing the stories of our lives, we hope that by doing so, we may touch the lives of those that read them.