MARCH ON

Have you ever felt like you couldn’t keep going? … That enduring through this day could be one of the hardest things you would ever have to do? Have you ever lost hope? We often find ourselves in moments of desperation, depression, anxiety and sorrow. But I want to tell you that you are not alone in these thoughts. Throughout my life I have seen some of God’s greatest warriors feel as though they will crumble carrying feelings such as these. This I do know- God gives great battles to his strong soldiers because He knows their potential. As Elder Holland assures us, “In striving for some peace and understanding in these difficult matters, it is crucial to remember that we are living—and chose to live—in a fallen world where for divine purposes our pursuit of godliness will be tested and tried again and again.” (Oct. 2013 General Conference, Like A Broken Vessel.)

I have been in those moments of desperation. They are real and they paralyze us sometimes to our very core. We must not diminish feelings such as these but recognize that they soon will pass… that is a promise! We will have obstacles, we will have trials and disappointments, but just as sure as the sun will rise in the eastern sky: there is hope that will cast out your darkest nights.

I have felt the suffocating power that takes place through insecurities, anxieties and depression. I have carried the weight upon my back that I never thought would be removed. I have ached body and soul to understand my potential, my weaknesses and my sufferings… and this I do know: all these things shall be for our good and shall give us experience. Joseph Smith, a prophet of God who restored the Church of Jesus Christ back to the earth again today, felt feelings such as these. During 1839 the saints were going through horrible persecution: men, woman and children were being torn from there houses and beaten on the streets, watching their houses burn behind them as they were driven from place to place. You can only imagine what the helpless dear Joseph must have felt as he suffered there in Liberty Jail. He exclaimed: O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place? How long shall thy hand be stayed, and thine eye, yea thy pure eye, behold from the eternal heavens the wrongs of thy people and of thy servants, and thine ear be penetrated with their cries? Yea, O Lord, how long shall they suffer these wrongs and unlawful oppressions, before thine heart shall be softened toward them, and thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them? (Doctrine & Covenants 121:1-3)

Don’t you feel that you have been here too? Crying out this same prayer…

Just as clear and as peaceful as the answer came to Joseph Smith that cold March day, the same will come to you and me: My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands. (Doctrine & Covenants 121:7-9).

“…These moments will be but small, my child” I often hear Him whisper to me. He will bring the same peace and knowledge to ease your mind as well.

Through out my life I watched my mother suffer from many mental and physical illnesses that inflict her body. As a child I never understood her sufferings and why she felt the way she did. Sadly I held onto these ignorant feelings for quite sometime and never opened by mind to understand her. I was young and confused. It wasn’t until I reached High School and even further into college when I began to feel my own anxieties and depression that I began to understand my dear mother. I was able to have my eyes opened to an angel of God who had to suffer each day of her life to make it through. Each day was a battle on the warfront just to get out of bed… and yet, she endured and kept going each and every day, even when she felt like all hope was lost. She relied upon the arms of her Savior to carry her through… why? Because, THAT IS WHAT HE DOES FOR US. He carries us, He heals us, and He gives hope and life to the feeble and depressed. When we are stricken, afflicted, tormented and oppressed, He knows how to succor and come to our aid. He knows ever so perfectly how to comfort our weary hearts and bring us hope through His Atonement. Why need we fear? Why think we can fight this battle on our own? I testify, that He is there. If we feel that we must face these battles and struggles on our own we are all but wrong! We must not mock our God, for He gave us our Savior to provide the way of comfort and healing. We must turn to Him in these times of depression and hardship, because He will never fail us.

I have seen some of my very best friends carry their burdens of eating disorders, Pornography addictions, Same-sex attraction, Alcoholism, etc.  And never in my life have I seen some of our Father’s strongest soldiers, then when I look at them. They keep going even when it hurts; even when they're confused. It’s through these moments that I see true Disciples of Christ, who suffer and carry their cross, just as HE DID. We often find ourselves in a hole we thought we would never get into again… a pit of addiction and temptation, we feel like we have fallen once again and it’s been too many times. BUT NEVER GIVE UP HOPE. Because no matter how many times we fall, there is never a point when you have gone too far from the love of God to reach you. He loves you more than you will ever know. It is in these times when we find ourselves in these pits that He comes along and offers us a ladder. But not only does He offer a ladder to get us out of this pit, He comes down into the pit to stand by our side and help us out. He does not desert us even in our moments of weakness.

Elder Holland once again assures our weary hearts, “…when you struggle, when you are rejected, when you are spit upon and cast out and made a hiss and a byword, you are standing with the best life this world has ever known. The only pure and perfect life ever lived.” (Ensign, March 2001. Missionary Work and The Atonement).

Yes! This is YOU. We can prevail by brother and sister. There is hope among the battlefield…

I woke up this morning sick body and soul and saw a day ahead of me that I wasn’t sure I could take on. I wanted to wrap my blanket around my head, take some Nyquil and say goodbye to the world for the day. I had a thought come to me as tears came down my face: “You are weak, you cannot do this…” But, ever so instantly in that very second did I have a complete peace come over me head to heel and whisper: “I am with you, I will carry you through.” And I feel this. I feel this at this very moment as I write… My Savior and Redeemer is carrying me through. He not only is carrying me spiritually, but He is also carrying this sleep-deprived and sick body of mine. I feel a strength that I cannot even express properly into words… because it is from Heaven above.

There is HOPE. There is LIGHT. There is JOY to be found and felt each day… it will come as we rely upon the arms of our Shepherd. We must not give up… WE MUST NOT EVER GIVE UP. Keep going, solider. You are not alone, my friend. I am fighting on this battlefield with you, and He is here.

I listen to this song over and over again this morning, and as the lyrics state by Katherine Nelson (Soldier Girls):

Driven thru the wild rain

As we cross the river 


Storm ahead and clouds on our backs

Only grow stronger 


Still we march on through like thunder 


`Til the battle bids us come 



We go in the face of fear 


Drawn swords and our souls unfurled

 We carry the hope of years 


We’re soldier girls 



Covered the fields and the floods

 Just to wade in the trenches 


We danced when our feet carried on 


And sang when they couldn’t

With our hemlines drenched in mud 


We reached for God from where we stood …

Oh you wounded fallen ones

Close your eyes 


Hear the battle drum 


The cadence calling us

March on 


March on 


Oh you wounded broken ones

Still glinting in the sun 


Live trying `til we’ve won 


March on 


March on