I Want To Be Just Like . . . Me.

           

Quite recently, I’ve come to realize the need to love myself more than I ever have before. Maybe it’s because you learn more about yourself as you grow older, or maybe I’ve learned that I’m never going to be anyone else, and I will always be Teri.

I compare myself to others, daily. Now there are good ways you can compare, and there are, of course, the more negative ways. For a long time, I was comparing negatively. That person is smarter, I feel insignificant. This person is a more approachable and open person, I feel shut down. That person does everything right with their life, I make mistake after mistake. You get the idea. As each day passed, I felt more and more down about myself, because I was looking at what I thought made everyone else great and wonderful, and that I never had any of these qualities. I felt sorry for myself, and because I was so down, I was losing sight of who I was, and what I had to offer. This is not a good thought process to get caught up in.

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we are taught that God gives each and everyone one of us gifts. We each have our own gifts that bless our lives, as well as the lives of others. Some gifts are immediate and apparent in our lives, while others may take years to unfold and manifest themselves. I believe that each of these gifts is given to us for a reason, and that they truly do our lives and the lives of others. One person may have the gift of music, and can play a tune on a piano that can so easily invite the Spirit and touch the soul. Others may have the gift of working their way through school to become a brilliant surgeon, to save the lives of many. There are small gifts, like being that person who always makes someone’s day brighter, because you look for the good in others, and you feel the need to let them know. Another may find it easy to read and understand the scriptures, and can gain a wonderful testimony from it and strengthen the testimonies of others by sharing their own. I can keep going on and on, but what it boils down to is what we do with our gifts, and whether or not we use them, or even acknowledge them. If one does not practice the piano, will you ever become the pianist that touches the lives of many with your song? If you stray from school and stop working towards graduating, will you ever become the surgeon that saves lives? Or even, if you’re so down about yourself, and focusing on your own depressing thoughts or selfish desires, will you look for the good in those around you, and try to bless the lives of others? Probably not. These are just examples, but because of my tunnel vision, and my constant comparison of all of the good qualities of others that I felt I did not have, I lost sight of the good qualities in myself, and the wonderful gifts that God has blessed me with became dormant.

I will share with you the experience that brought all of this to light. My sister is a wonderful, inspiring woman. She is an example to me in many, many ways, but most especially, she is an example of that which is GOOD. She is a spiritual giant. She stands firm in her beliefs, and is never afraid to share them. She stands up for what is right, even if she is standing alone. She is very knowledgeable with the gospel, and has a strong relationship with Christ. I have always admired this in her. But because of my own personal weaknesses, until recently, I was jealous of these qualities. I felt that I would never be as spiritual, and that I would always be in her shadow. I thought that others would think less of me, because I could never be as strong, or as knowledgeable in the gospel. Needless to say, I was negatively comparing. Because I was so busy comparing and feeling sorry for myself, I was allowing Satan into my life, and therefore missing out on opportunities to grow, as well as losing sight of my gifts, and losing sight of Teri. Negatively comparing yourself to others is never something you should do. It’s self-destructive, it’s selfish, and most importantly, it drives away the Spirit. It did all of these things to me.

A few months ago, I was talking with someone about these feelings and comparisons I was having, and that I felt like I would never add up. I think I was expecting sympathy, but I received none of that, which I am extremely grateful for. This person was bold, and said exactly what I needed to hear. “Why are you comparing yourself to your sister? She IS very spiritual, but so are you. You are both spiritual in different ways. Instead of comparing yourself to her, why are you not happy for her? Happy that she IS a spiritual giant? Happy that she IS an example to so many?” It took weeks for that to sink in. Then I realized, instead of comparing and thinking that I will never add up, why don’t I accept that having Alex as my sister is a gift? Having her as a shining example in my life is a gift. It’s also a gift to many others. She has a way of touching the lives of many for good. She has touched my life; it just took me a lesson or two, as well as some humbling words from a friend to realize it. Alex is a quiet encouragement to never give up, to trust in the Lord, and to stay strong and steadfast in the gospel, no matter what. God has blessed me by making her my sister, and He has both blessed and humbled me in showing me that everyone has their different strengths. We are all different for a reason, and we all have different talents, abilities, and even lessons for that reason.

Since I’ve come to this realization, and with a lot of help from Christ, I’ve done a whole lot less of my negative comparing, and a whole lot more focusing on my strengths, gifts, and what I have to offer. I’ve looked for the examples that I can allow others to be in my life, and by doing so it has helped me grow individually. I know that just because someone may be talented in a specific area, or may excel or be very successful at something, it does not make them better than me. And with roles reversed, just because I have strength in a specific area, it will never make me better than anyone else. As individual’s we are our own worst critics. We are hard on ourselves day in and day out. If we only saw the potential that God sees in us, and what He knows that we are capable of doing, and becoming, we would accomplish some pretty amazing stuff. We would believe in ourselves so much more, and we would know of our worth. I’ve also become happy with who I am. I know my strengths, and I know my weakness, but I also know that God gave me all of these things specifically. He knows us better then we know ourselves, and through Him, we can know of our gifts, and how they can bless our lives, and the lives of others. I have many, many examples in my life, and many people that unknowingly give me the encouragement to do a little better each day, to be a little more kind, to work a little harder, to be more giving of my time. But at the end of the day, there is no one I would rather be, then me.